To Mum

Throughout my life, I have always felt a very deep feeling of love from you, no matter how many people were in your life (and there were many!) the feeling was mutual. As a single mother, you sacrificed yourself in many ways, to give me the best of everything: Education, Medical care, exposure to music, and other cultures which I only began to appreciate in my adult hood.

I miss hearing you singing in an effortless soprano in the bathroom and all over the house, our singing together in parts, the songs you taught me, and dancing the waltz with you. I miss my childhood when you would gather the children in your family together to watch picture slides of your travels and to dance on the floor with a carpet rolled back, to 60’s music playing on our gramophone; telling African folk tales of Yoruba lands’ “Ajapa” the tortoise, Ghana’s “Anansi” the spider, stories from William Shakespeare plays, and Yoruba riddles. These memories are priceless and I would have them with me forever.

You taught me to always count my blessings when I thought I was hard-done-by. I felt your firm and respectful support in everything I did, gently guiding me knowing my sensitive nature. You were my Champion even when I felt unworthy. Our love for each other held us through the difficult times in our relationship, and we emerged on the other side, our bond even stronger.

Au-revoir, my Darling!

Your daughter
Remi

Eulogy to a Cousin. By Col (ret) Babatunde Soluade

Mrs. Efunjoke Coker was my idol.

This is one woman who lived her dream with action and passion. Many will naturally fail to understand her rigid stand on principles, not knowing the processes of family upbringing, she went through, where rules, and regulations were never compromised. That is why you wonder about the kind of scholar who, as far back as 1956, combined Latin with Mathematics and English, with resolute resolve and discipline, to pursue those subjects to a Masters Degree level. This speaks volumes of the intellectual giant that Mrs. Coker is made of!

She gave her life to the impartation of positive values, using all the resources at her disposal. Vanities of the world, like seeking titles, property acquisition, political affiliations, etc., never warranted attention throughout her life. How else can you explain a woman of substance, who became the very first African Principal of the premier girl’s college in Nigeria for fourteen years? Apart from the M.F.R. (Member of the Federal Republic) award for distinguished service to the nation, there is no other appellation to her name. If you ask me, by todays self-congratulatory standards, that is an exception to the rule.

Let it be known that the light of Nigeria can be kindled, if and only if, an Amazon like Mrs. Iphigenia Efunjoke Coker is placed in the proper pedestal of history.

Col (ret) Babatunde Soluade

Adieu My Darling Cousin – Iphigenia Efunjoke Coker

It all started in the early 1940’s when Sisi Joke (as she was fondly called), visited my dad in Jos. I was barely 4 years old at that time. I waited for her at the top of the stairs, and as soon as she got to the top of the stairs, I grabbed her by the hand, and led her to her seat in the living room! I went on to sit on the floor and rested my back between her legs. Stunned, she was wandering what this kid was up to. A few minutes later, I uttered the word “torch” which was my way of saying I wanted to go to Church. My mother interpreted my language to her, and she dutifully took me to the Catholic Church right across the street from our house. No sooner had we got there than I wet my pants! She saw evidence of it on the floor, and dutifully took me home. That was my first encounter with Sisi Joke. She told me this story only 2 years ago, over 70 years after our first encounter, on one of my visits to her home in Lagos. I was not surprised; because it explained the feeling of closeness, I always had with her all my life.

During my primary school days, I would write letters to her at Trinity College in Dublin, where she was studying Mathematics and English. She would edit my letters, correct all the grammatical errors I had made, and mailed them back to me!

In secondary school during the 50’s, my brother Tunde and I would spend our holidays with her family in Ibadan. One day, Tunde and I went out to town and saw an advertisement for an Indian movie that we both liked; so we bought 2 tickets for the evening show. On getting home, when it was time to go to the movies, we told Sisi that we wanted to go see an Indian film. She then went for her purse to give us money for the tickets. We told her not to bother – that we had bought tickets when we went out earlier in the day. That was our big mistake! She was furious that we did not have the simple courtesy of consulting with her before purchasing the tickets. In the end, we did not get her consent; so we stayed home. 

Years later, I had graduated from college and was working in Ibadan. I would always spend time with her anytime I visited Lagos. On one occasion, I had gone to a party on Saturday night and got home very late. The next morning, she woke me up to get ready for Church. I told her that I was too tired to go to Church because I had not had enough sleep. She quickly told me that “not going to Church” was not an option; if I ever had the idea of not going to Church, I should not bother to stay at her place! I quickly got up, showered, and went to Church with her. After mass when we got home and breakfast was served, she asked me to help myself before she did – why? because I was the man of the house! This tickled me to death; considering that she had just admonished me an hour ago.

Some 15 years ago, Sisi Joke decided to come and spend some time with me and my wife Adeola, in the US, it was imperative after an illness; so I came to Nigeria and we both traveled back to the US. We were very thrilled to have her in our midst. Lots of Queens College alumna visited her in our house. It got so frequent, we decided to organize a small a party for her so that her former pupils would have the opportunity of socializing with her and with one another. Her return to Nigeria was memorable; she was travelling back to Lagos on KLM, and she insisted that I escort her all the way to Amsterdam at her expense, to make sure she got on her Lagos-bound route, before I went back to the US. I tried to convince her otherwise; but she insisted. Her response was “Omode lo nse e” (meaning – I was too young to understand). I was over 60 years old at that time, but I dutifully complied. She had landed in Lagos and I was still in Amsterdam, waiting for my US-bound flight! Today, at my current age, I realize the wisdom of her insistence for me to accompany her to Amsterdam. It was a wise thing to do.

These are just a few of the many lessons I learnt from her over the years – in primary school with my letters to her in Dublin, in secondary school for not seeking her consent before taking unilateral action to purchase tickets for a movie, and as an adult, for not putting God first in any thing that I did.

I thoroughly enjoyed being with her later in life; she had mellowed, and freely showed her love for me anytime I visited her by fondly calling my name the way my Arab stepmother used to call me – “AREDALA”. She would correct anybody who called me any other way!

I cherish the times my wife Adeola and I had with her anytime we visited Lagos and am eternally grateful for her tender loving kindness and guidance.

May her soul rest in peace.

Oredola (AREDALA) Soluade

In The Days of Mrs Coker

I can only recollect two contacts with Aunty Efunjoke (there could, and probably would have been more), but she was someone I was proud to be associated with, whom I held in high esteem

Much talked about, her name would pop up once in a while within the family circle which wasn’t unusual, after all she was married to my handsome Uncle, and had a lovely daughter Remi my cousin. But somehow, I often found myself in fora far from family, where her name would come up while talking about educational institutions in Nigeria. 

The discussions were never about her being the first indigenous principal of Queens College Lagos, nor her being the longest serving principal of the school, although those facts might be alluded to.

Talks relating to the prevalent moral decadence, laxity, and external interferences in schools evoked such comments as “That couldn’t have happened under Mrs Coker”, “Mrs Coker would never have tolerated that”, “You dare not try that with Mrs Coker no matter whose child you are”, “In the days of Mrs Coker”

I never could disclose my relationship with Aunty during such talks because each time, the discussants were older than me, and I was just an opportune listener. The comments however created an aura around her in my mind: A legendary member of the family, a stickler for rules, a disciplinarian revered and remembered long after being out of the spotlight

She was someone I knew largely through the eyes of others, and yes, someone indeed worth knowing.

Yemi Smith

(Family)

Mrs Efunwonuola Oni

Life is too short
It’s not enough
But we must understand that
If we live it in love and faith
A road will be made for the day
We pass away

We lost a rare gem and beautiful woman, mother, grandmother, sister, cousin and aunt.

I am honoured to say a few words about my dear Aunt, Dr. Mrs Iphigenia Efunjoke Coker- An epitome of academics, beauty, courage, dignity, discipline, excellence… I could go on and on.

‘JOKE’ as she was fondly called by her late brother and my father Mr Basil Sholola Soluade. You not only took the family’s name to greater heights,but showed love,laughter and happiness to all.

Sun re o aunty mi atata.